Saboteur!
Aeras: Has it ever happened to you that on the days when you’re running late is when you tend to sabotage yourself?
Percy: Um… what?
Aeras: I don’t know if it was yesterday or the day before, but inexplicably I started running late for work. I was on the freeway and I sort of spaced out whilst driving. As you may know, I usually drive on the slow lane because my car doesn’t do more than 75 mph.
Harry: Isn’t that dangerous?
Percy: It’s probably illegal.
Aeras: Excuse me, but 45 mph is perfectly appropriate. I have bumped into drivers that are going way less than that.
Percy: Makes you wish you had one of those Batmobile bazookas attached to the sides of your car.
Harry: Don’t you usually shout at them that if they bought a skateboard they’d probably go faster?
Percy: It’s hard to shout things at people on the freeway. Works best when in the city.
Aeras: Anyway. Like I said, I was on the slow lane—
Percy: Right.
Aeras: —when suddenly I find myself driving down an off-ramp towards downtown.
Harry: Weren’t you going to school?
Aeras: Yes! I don’t understand how it happened. I had never ever in my life done something like that, and I had to start the day I was running late! Hasn’t something like this ever happened to you?
Percy: Sorry. I always pay attention where I’m going.
Harry: You do not! If anyone, I’m the one who’s the best driver here.
Percy: Signaling that you’re going to turn a left out of your driveway does not make you the best driver. Driving is a serious dog-eat-dog matter, OK? It requires knowing where your car is going to be at before it’s even there. It’s all about pre-mapping and mad reflexes.
Harry: Which I lack? Need I remind you that you’re the one who couldn’t shoot straight in Resident Evil 5?
Percy: What are you talking about? I so beat you at that. You’re just sore because you always end up designated-driving for some bunch of loser wannabes who don’t call you on your birthday.
Harry: I have never been a designated driver!
Percy: Oh, my God! Is that supposed to help your case? Not even your friends trust you behind the wheel! While they’re drunk!
Harry: That’s not—
Aeras: Excuse me! It’s not like I’m some reckless driver that doesn’t see where he’s going!
Percy: What? That’s exactly what happened!
Aeras: Well, yes, but it’s part of these self-sabotaging incidents that I’m trying to explain.
Percy: The ones when you’re running late?
Aeras: Yes. I mean, it’s always when you’re running late that you decide you absolutely have got to find that missing sweater in your bedroom or when you decide to try a new shortcut and you get completely lost.
Percy: Um… it just means you’re a bad driver.
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